The structure of the dating structure is relatively simple but the details of the process may baffle many of those who do not have a clear understanding of it.
On a date, we are very concerned with what we can do to enhance or sustain the interest of the person with whom we are meeting, and also with avoiding doing anything to make that interest doubtful. During the first few hours or days with the person, we are supposed to conduct a very free and unconcerned attitude. This should not in any way be understood to mean that we are supposed to be childish, or that we should not have a reasonably open attitude with which to interact with the person. On the contrary, what is intended is that we should come from a position of likeability, independence, and non-attachment to the other person.
Body Language an Often Overlooked Element of Flirting
If you had been to a loss making film, there would probably be no dialogue. The photographer would have shot the scene, completing it as he went along, keeping only the actors involved fully aware of what was going on. The result, in most cases, would be a confused and barely intelligible dialogue, punctuated perhaps by odd smiles and gestures.
By the time the final version of the film was completed, the actors had been performing several scenes, and the photographer had realized how silly it was to use one takes. So what had originally been intended to be a formal conversation has now been reduced to a confused group of expressions, with dialogured, half-smiles, half-gaze, and all the while the character of the photographer suggesting at every turn that things would be better.
From this we may get a feeling of how our own body language can be confusing, so much so that it prevents us from getting what we would like. And in dealing with dating and relating with the opposite sex, your body language can be so much part of the problem, that it takes all the talking, and not the art of flirting, to get things going.
Giving You More Success Will Lead You to More Success
So what can you do to give you better results in the dating game. Well, quite simply, is to have a better attitude about dating. If your attitude is wrong, your behaviour will be wrong, and there will be negative consequences for the way in which other people perceive you.
Let’s imagine, for example, that you find the man or woman of your dreams. The dynamics of the situation depart from that of the standard issue unaware dating behaviours. The woman, in particular, is wiser, more self-knowing, and has far more confidence in her powers to search for and create more fulfilling relationships.
The man on the other hand is both more insecure, and less self-assured. He has less self-esteem, less self-belief than most women. In thinking about who to approach for a date, he feels less like a real man, and more like a kid in a candy store.
It is no wonder, therefore, that so few men make very good use of the dating situation, and so many of us continue to play the game, day after day, with the belief that one day, our knight in shining armor will come galloping up, delivering our hearts as easily as a well-oiled horse.
We haven’t learned, over the years, to behave like the experienced, confident people we need to be in order to have the relationships we deserve. Ever-ready to jump into the next relationship, yet eager to learn the life lessons it offers, such is our desperation to be loved and accepted.
The Higher Learning
Sadly, the opposite is true. Many of us simply want to find someone with whom we can feel great being in a relationship. Without the right chemistry, infatuated with someone we barely know, all our other qualities diminish and fall by the way-side. Without that heavy bag of experiences to carry us, the fire in our bellies burning for what is to come, we simply feel less and less vital.
Without the lessons of life, we simply slow down, stop going places, and mentally and emotionallyanguish over every experience in our lives. Without that rich, emotional ground of experience, we simply feel less enthusiastic about continuing to try to learn.
Finding ourselves again after a rough divorce, and then again, and yet again, we have baited ourselves to take on a more introspective, stream-of-thought approach to dating and relationships. Yet, essentially, the approach remains the same. Every time we meet someone new, we weigh themselves up against the past and attempt to re-evaluate where they are going and what they have meant in their previous experiences.
